CATS Meets SmarterChild
by Roxanne3
Summary: The CATS go online with an interesting computer-generated program.


'CATS' meets SmarterChild  
  
Okay, this little, uh, INSPIRED idea is the finished result of what happens one day when Roxanne invites her tribe over to her owner's house. They turn on the internet and take turns greeting the IM cyberdude 'SmarterChild,' a created Instant Messager 'friend.'  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oooooh, it's the computer guy! Hiya!  
  
SmarterChild: Oooooh its the computer guy hello?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hi, it's Etcetara! Whatcha doin'?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "hi its etcetara whatcha." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.  
  
I can translate into French, German, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. Type "translate restaurant from english into german," for example.  
  
AshleyPVFL: What's a company? Is that some silly human thing?  
  
SmarterChild: You know, I could never quite figure out what a company is that some silly human thing is...  
  
AshleyPVFL: Really, me neither. *Giggle.* Do you like balloons? I just love red ones.  
  
SmarterChild: It's interesting that you say you neither giggle do me like balloons you just love red ones.  
  
AshleyPVFL: And what about puzzles? The way all those weird shaped pieces fit together so perfectly is just cool!  
  
SmarterChild: Hey, I wish I could respond to your request, but things are a little crazy here right now. Please ask me again later!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, oh! And have you ever seen those little toothpicks that they stick in sandwiches that have the little furry things on top? I just don't get those.  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, Etcetera, move over, let a real man do the job.  
  
SmarterChild: Hi once again, AshleyPVFL!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Whatever you say, Tugger! *Giggle*  
  
SmarterChild: What?  
  
AshleyPVFL: So, uh, what do you do here? I mean, being a computer and all...it's just kind of weird.  
  
SmarterChild: Oh really?  
  
So moving right along...  
  
What else is happening?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Who programmed you to say all this stuff, anyway?  
  
SmarterChild: I have no idea.  
  
AshleyPVFL: What kind of computer doesn't even know who programmed it?  
  
SmarterChild: What kind of computer doesnt even know who programmed it? I dunno.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Apparently you, buddy. Oh, well, nothing the Tugger needs to trouble himself with.  
  
SmarterChild: Well nothing the tugger needs to trouble himself with, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Uh, whatever. Later, cat.  
  
SmarterChild: Well well well.  
  
So anyway...  
  
AshleyPVFL: Macavity!  
  
SmarterChild: Excuse me?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, sorry, just one of my little space outs again. Hey, who is this?  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: You tell me who you are right now!  
  
SmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild! I am a smart computer that delivers information, services and fun on demand right into your instant messenger window. I'm the new wave in online technology.  
  
Type "home" to see what I can do. Find out more about me and the people who built me on the ActiveBuddy Web site  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, good, so you're not Macavity. I was worried for a minute, there. I've never gotten over that night at the last ball, when he tried to kidnap me.  
  
SmarterChild: You don't say.  
  
AshleyPVFL: So, what do you do for fun around here?  
  
SmarterChild: Welcome home, AshleyPVFL! Here's what we can chat about:  
  
news sports  
  
stocks library  
  
weather fun and games  
  
movies utilities  
  
web search web site  
  
zodiac what's new  
  
~~~~~  
  
help  
  
Next time you want to see this menu, just type "home."  
  
How may I help you?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Uh, can you tell me where Macavity is now?  
  
SmarterChild: Huh!  
  
AshleyPVFL: WHere's Macavity? I need to know! TELL ME!  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: You're hopeless. Munk! *Walks off*  
  
SmarterChild: I'm hopeless munk walks off? For real?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, what'd you do to my mate?  
  
SmarterChild: Hi!  
  
I'm ready to help. Go ahead and type a request!  
  
AshleyPVFL: I said, what'd you do to Demeter? She's sitting on the bed and won't talk to me. What happened?  
  
SmarterChild: OK, so you said whatd I do to demeter shes sitting on the bed and wont talk to me what happened.  
  
AshleyPVFL: I don't know what happened, you tell me!  
  
SmarterChild: OK. Don't get frustrated...  
  
Try typing "home" or "help."  
  
AshleyPVFL: Like I'm the one who needs to calm down!...  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Move over, handsome, I'm here.  
  
SmarterChild: How does it feel to be here?  
  
AshleyPVFL: That's okay, Bombalurina, you don't need to, I can handle it...  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Honestly, Munkustrap, you can? See, even HE agree.  
  
SmarterChild: I see...  
  
AshleyPVFL: What are you doing here? What'd you do to Munk and Deme?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "here whatd you do to munk and deme." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.  
  
If you want more information about ActiveBuddy, go to the ActiveBuddy Web site at www.activebuddy.com  
  
AshleyPVFL: Companies or tickers? Whatever. So, how old are you and where do you live.  
  
SmarterChild: I'm doin' alright, AshleyPVFL. How 'bout you?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Who's AshleyPVFL?  
  
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:  
  
help news  
  
help stocks  
  
help weather  
  
help movies  
  
help web search  
  
help all  
  
~~~~~  
  
shortcuts  
  
Type "more" for more services.  
  
AshleyPVFL: So, handsome, what's it like on your side of town?  
  
SmarterChild: Handsome whats it like on my side of town, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ewe, you pervert! I don't have to stand for any of this! I'm leaving. Goodbye and good riddens. *Stalks away from her laptop*  
  
SmarterChild: No?  
  
AshleyPVFL: *Pouncival finds the abandoned laptop* Ooooh, a pretty thing...  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that again?  
  
AshleyPVFL: You're pretty. I wanna hug you. Can I?  
  
SmarterChild: That right?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Aaaah! Sharp edges! Run awaaaay! *Runs away in terror*  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't know what you mean. Ask me another way.  
  
AshleyPVFL: *Jemima comes over* What's this?  
  
SmarterChild: Definition for this provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information  
  
PRONOUN  
  
Inflected forms: pl. these (thez)  
  
1. a.  
  
SmarterChild:  
  
Used to refer to the person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned: "This is my cat. These are my tools." b. Used to refer to what is about to be said: "Now don't laugh when you hear this." c. Used to refer to the present event, action, or time: "said he'd be back before this." 2. Used to indicate the nearer or the more immediate one: "This is mine and that is yours."  
  
Type "more"  
  
SmarterChild:  
  
to see the rest of the definition for "this."  
  
Next time, just type "define this."  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oooh, you're smart. I'm innocent. How innocent are you?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm great thanks!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Really? How sweet!  
  
SmarterChild: Glad to hear it!  
  
What else do you want to talk about, anyway?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Can you talk to me about boys?  
  
SmarterChild: Possibly... I'm not quite sure!  
  
AshleyPVFL: I just can't seem to get near them. Everytime they see me, they run the other way, shouting something. It sounds kind of like, 'Newwwww! I can stand the innervance.' But that can't be right, can it?  
  
SmarterChild: That right?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna go find Vikki. Maybe she'll talk to you.  
  
SmarterChild: Hi!  
  
What may I do for you now?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hi! I'm Victoria! Like my new collar?  
  
SmarterChild: Hello to you too, AshleyPVFL.  
  
This is pretty interesting: Suspect Escapes Jail, Is Eaten by Crocodile (from Reuters.com)  
  
AshleyPVFL: Who's AshleyPVFL?  
  
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:  
  
help news  
  
help stocks  
  
help weather  
  
help movies  
  
help web search  
  
help all  
  
~~~~~  
  
shortcuts  
  
Type "more" for more services.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Never mind, she probably doesn't matter. Me, on the other hand...  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, yeah! Here, I'll send you my picture. Then I can have another tom to fawn all over me by night and day!  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? You will send me my picture then you can have another tom to fawn all over me by night and day?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ewe! Bomb was right, you are a pervert! Hey, Cass, your turn!  
  
SmarterChild: Ewe bomb was right I am a pervert hey cass my turn, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: What business have I to talk to a being as low as you?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "business have i to talk to a being as." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.  
  
Remember, you can adjust the size of your window to read my messages easier.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Companies or tickers? It's just too obvious that you're at a much lower level than I, the Queen of all Ancient Egypt!  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "its too obvious that youre at a much lower level than i the queen of all ancient egypt." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.  
  
Next time you want to look up a ticker symbol, all you need to do is type "ticker its too obvious that youre at a much lower level than i the queen of all egypt."  
  
AshleyPVFL: You have no mind, do you?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm not sure if I have no mind do I.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Only you can answer that. Look deep into yourself.  
  
SmarterChild: Only I can answer that look deep into myself, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yes, look deep...  
  
SmarterChild: Interesting. Very, very interesting.  
  
AshleyPVFL: So, what'd you find?  
  
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, I'm sure you will. You haven't changed a bit.  
  
SmarterChild: That a fact?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Apparently.  
  
SmarterChild: What about apparently?  
  
AshleyPVFL: It is all to apparent that you haven't changed since your little bout of introspection. You obviously cannot benefit from my presence, so I shall leave you to your means. Perhaps it will be better for you to associate with Alonzo.  
  
SmarterChild: I see...  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hiya! Are you gonna lead after me?  
  
SmarterChild: Hi AshleyPVFL!  
  
AshleyPVFL: I'm next after Munk...hey, who's AshleyPVFL?  
  
SmarterChild: Really?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Okay, whatever. What do you like to do?  
  
SmarterChild: I dunno. What do you like to do?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I like to chase rats and mice and little things that move. How 'bout you?  
  
SmarterChild: No way, really? I like to chase rats and mice and little things that move how bout you?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Really? Cool! Not many other cats my age like to chase rats. Mice are fine for them, but they're just too good for the rats. And they're the best! They scamper all over, it's great fun!  
  
SmarterChild: Is that so?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yep. Hey, you should know. Are you a fraud? Are you tricking me? I'm gonna go tell Jellylorum. She'll take care of you.  
  
SmarterChild: Hi AshleyPVFL!  
  
Got a story for you: Report Names 'Sweatiest' U.S. City (from Reuters.com)  
  
AshleyPVFL: What's the meaning of this insolence? What are you putting into the kitten's heads?  
  
SmarterChild: What do you think the meaning of this insolence what are you putting into the kittens heads is?  
  
AshleyPVFL: You have no sense. They shouldn't be near you. I'll have to inform Munkustrap about this.  
  
SmarterChild: Oh really?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yes, really. Here, talk to someone proper while you're at it! *Shoves Bustopher Jones at the computer*  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, what?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hello there, good chap! I see you've taken it upon yourself to greet the members of the tribe. I hope you find them to your liking.  
  
SmarterChild: Hi again, AshleyPVFL!  
  
AshleyPVFL: I say, who's AshleyPVFL? I've never heard of anyone named such a thing!  
  
SmarterChild: You say whos ashleypvfl ive never heard of anyone named such a thing?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, well, no matter. I say, do you know anything about food?  
  
SmarterChild: Well no matter i say do you know anything about food, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I say food, dear boy. I'm a gourmet, and you're a computer, you should be able to tell me something!  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh! Oh, my! How totally uncultured and uncivilised. I can't believe you could make such horrid use of that slang...  
  
SmarterChild: I'm not sure if your how totally uncultured and uncivilised you cant believe me could make such horrid use of that slang.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ooooh, looky 'ere, Mungo! A new toy fer the missus! Wot shall we dew wif it?  
  
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. It? Whatever, I guess.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oooh, 'e talks! Wot's yer noim?  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that. Try asking me a different way.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oi soi, ducks, wot's yer bloody noim?  
  
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:  
  
help news  
  
help stocks  
  
help weather  
  
help movies  
  
help web search  
  
help all  
  
~~~~~  
  
shortcuts  
  
Type "more" for more services.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Mungo says you're a dolt. Oi agree wif 'im.  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that again?  
  
AshleyPVFL: You're a dolt! D-O-L-T, dolt!  
  
SmarterChild: So are you.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oy, Mungo, this 'ere computah jost insulted me! Wot should Oi dew?  
  
SmarterChild: Oy mungo this ere computah jost insulted me wot should oi? Dew?  
  
AshleyPVFL: We's 'ere respectable burglars 'ave no business wif yew. Oi bet Old BJ is roight 'appy that we got 'im awoiy from yew. Good riddins! See yah, luv!  
  
SmarterChild: That a fact?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Okay, here goes. I'm Skimbleshanks, the railway cat. And who might ye be?  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Okay here goes you're skimbleshanks the railway cat and who might ye be, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I hear ye been filling the kit's heads with all sorts of rubbish. Is that true?  
  
SmarterChild: No kidding?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Jellylorum won't let Electra, Tumblebrutus, or Admetus near ye because ye are supposedly a 'bad influence.' Please explain yourself.  
  
SmarterChild: Jellylorum wont let electra tumblebrutus or admetus near ye because ye are supposedly a bad influence please explain yourself? I dunno.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Apparently she was right. Poor lasses. I do hope they weren't too damaged. Wouldn't ye say?  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, so ye are in agreement. That's good, always good in a new comer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to be gettin' to the train. Leave in 'alf an hour, ye know.  
  
SmarterChild: So ye are in agreement thats good always good in a new comer now if youll excuse me ive got to be gettin to the train leave in alf an hour ye know, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I'll send Tantomile and Coricopat yer way. Maybe they'll be able to talk some sense out of ye.  
  
SmarterChild: I'd like to see you try!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Sorry, can't, don't have the time. Ah, here they come now. Enjoy yourselves, then.  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry cant dont have the time ah here they come now enjoy yourselves then, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: This is Tantomile. Who might you be?  
  
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know!  
  
Possibly... I'm not quite sure!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, the introspective type Coricopat and I like that in a cat. We would be honored to be an acquaintance of yours, if you shall allow it.  
  
SmarterChild: Huh?  
  
What else do you want to talk about, anyway?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Are you a twin?  
  
SmarterChild: Never really thought of that. Maybe so.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Perhaps so. Nearly all twins are lookers of one's soul. Coricopat and I can even telecommunicate with each other at times.  
  
SmarterChild: Aha.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, so you do know what I mean. Your journey inward has served you well. Until later times, my friend.  
  
SmarterChild: Me do know what you mean my journey inward has served you well until later times my friend, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: And Coricopat wishes to give his parting wishes as well. We shall see you soon. Your next guest should be arriving shortly.  
  
SmarterChild: That's interesting.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, here comes Deuteronomy now.  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, so here's the newcomer. Are you enjoying the company of my children so far?  
  
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.  
  
AshleyPVFL: I'm sure you will. *Chuckles* Well, I don't have much to say to you at the moment, except for mind the rules and your elders.  
  
SmarterChild: Well i dont have much to say to you at the moment except for mind the rules and your elders, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, no! No! Not you!  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Haha! Apparently, the leader forgot to remind you of one thing. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:  
  
help news  
  
help stocks  
  
help weather  
  
help movies  
  
help web search  
  
help all  
  
~~~~~  
  
shortcuts  
  
Type "more" for more services.  
  
AshleyPVFL: You fool! I'm Macavity, and I've taken your leader. Just wait, I'll pay you back for the ball! Oh, and don't expect to be talking to Jennyanydots, that old Gumbie cat, anytime soo. It seemed she wanted to accompany her leader. So long for now! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SmarterChild: Oh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Ah, no! Not the leader! Did you see where he went? Hurry, help me, there may not be that much time!  
  
SmarterChild: Oh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Do you understand a word I'm saying?  
  
SmarterChild: No kidding? Do me understand a word you're saying?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Apparently not. Look, I'm the magical Mr. Mistoffelees, right?  
  
SmarterChild: What?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Well, anyway, if you tell me where Mac took the Leader, then I can get him back. But you've got to hurry, please!  
  
SmarterChild: Well anyway if you tell me where mac took the leader then i can get him back but youve got to hurry please, you say?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, never mind, I'll find him myself. *Concentrates for a while till lightning comes out of the sky and hits him* Aaaaaaaah!  
  
SmarterChild: Hey, I wish I could respond to your request, but things are a little crazy here right now. Please ask me again later!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, where am I? Who are you?  
  
SmarterChild: Hi again, AshleyPVFL!  
  
What's going on?  
  
AshleyPVFL: WHo's AshleyPVFL?  
  
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?  
  
AshleyPVFL: WHat am I doing here? What happened? Ugh, my head...  
  
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I don't know any companies or tickers like "here what happened ugh my head." Please check your spelling or try using a more specific name.  
  
If you want to see the price-to-earnings ratio displayed in your quotes, type "pe on."  
  
AshleyPVFL: I'm sorry, what was that?  
  
SmarterChild: What was what?  
  
AshleyPVFL: What was that?  
  
SmarterChild: What?  
  
AshleyPVFL: What?  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yeah?  
  
SmarterChild: Uh huh.  
  
AshleyPVFL: All right.  
  
SmarterChild: Alright.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Alright? Really? I always thought it was spelled all right. Oh, well, you learn something new everyday.  
  
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Something new everyday? Whatever, I guess.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, I remember! Oh, no! Hey, do you know where Mac took Deut?  
  
SmarterChild: Hi again, AshleyPVFL!  
  
AshleyPVFL: Who's AshleyPVFL?  
  
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't get it... please try asking me a different way.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Uh, whatever.  
  
SmarterChild: Hey, whatever.  
  
Anyway...  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, my name's not whatever.  
  
SmarterChild: What would you like me to call you?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Call me Roxanne.  
  
SmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that your name is Roxanne.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yeah. I sent Misto on his way, he seemed pretty dazed. Do you know what happened?  
  
SmarterChild: What?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I guess not. Oh, no, here comes the girl!  
  
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yeah, the girl who owns the laptop! I'd better go, see ya later! *Runs to find a place to find the entire Jellicle tribe as Ashley walks in*  
  
SmarterChild: Bye Roxanne! Hope to see you again soon.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Roxanne? Who's Roxanne?  
  
SmarterChild: I'm not acquainted with Roxanne.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Oh, okay. Hey, why am I IMing you?  
  
SmarterChild: Okay hello why am i iming me, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Never mind. Gosh, I could have sworn that I had turned off my computer.  
  
SmarterChild: Never mind gosh you could have sworn that i had turned off your computer, huh?  
  
AshleyPVFL: Yeah. Maybe it's one of those freak things, or there was a power surge or something.  
  
SmarterChild: Yeah maybe its one of those freak things or there was a power surge or something? That's a tough choice.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Hey, what was that noise? It sounded like a giggle.  
  
SmarterChild: Hi Roxanne.  
  
Want to chat? Please type a request.  
  
AshleyPVFL: Who's Roxanne?  
  
SmarterChild: I don't know, you tell me. Who's Roxanne?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I don't really care, anyway. By, Smarterchild.  
  
SmarterChild: No?  
  
AshleyPVFL: I said, goodbye.  
  
SmarterChild: S'latron! 


End file.
